I stood nervously before the podium.
The audience was silent, waiting.
The moment had arrived.
Breathe, Lisa, breathe.
I smiled, took a deep breath and began to speak.
EXCERPT FROM MY SPEECH:
When I think about living meaningfully, I think about all the books I've read and how they've taught me facts and concepts and taken me to the furthest reaches of the globe -- YES -- but how they have also shaped me on a fundamental domestic level. In fact, I'm going to go out on a limb and say that more than any other factor, my life is what it is today because of the books I have loved.
* * * * *
Sometimes the most wonderful things happen when you do exactly what you are most afraid to do.
I said yes to speaking at the Mercantile Library because I knew that passing up an honor like that would have haunted me forever. Sure, I was a little (okay, a lot) hesitant about speaking in public -- but who isn't? Was I really going to claim that as an excuse for not sharing my passion for books and design with a larger audience? For turning down an opportunity that -- for all I knew -- could be life-changing?
* * * * *
EXCERPT FROM MY SPEECH:
When I read a novel, I think of myself as a domestic explorer, always on the lookout for clues on how to live a more simple, meaningful life. John Lennon said, "Life is what happens to you while you're busy making other plans" and in stories, it's what happens in between the plot points that really pulls me in. The beautiful moments, the tiny details -- the passage where the characters have an impromptu tea party on a blanket in the garden -- those are the images I find myself seeking to recreate in my life.
* * * * *
I realized this invitation had provided me with an opportunity to decide -- once and for all --exactly what kind of person I wanted to be. Someone whose tombstone would read, "She almost had the nerve"?
Or someone who -- like all of the Victorian adventuresses I so admired (Jane Digby, Isabelle Eberhardt, Aimee Crocker) -- would say "Yes" to the unknown?
I thought about Thoreau's famous quote, "The mass of men lead lives of quiet desperation."
A tiny voice materialized in my head, gradually becoming more and more insistent.
"If not now, when?"
Exactly right, I thought.
If not now, WHEN?
* * * * *
EXCERPT FROM MY SPEECH:
My life is what it is because of the books I have loved. Thanks to "Tender is the Night", I know how to throw a magical outdoor dinner party.
Thanks to "The Pickwick Papers", I know how to make a house feel snug and warm and welcoming.
Thanks to "I Capture the Castle", I know that there is sometimes more glamour in disorder than in order.
And thanks to "Brideshead Revisited", I know that even if you live in one of England's grandest estates, sometimes the only place you want to be is up in Nanny Hawkins' cozy little attic room, sipping tea while she sews.
* * * * *
When I finally sat down and began to write my speech, I pored through my favorite novels, sifted through stacks of old photos and thought about all the ways in which books had been a powerful influence on my dreams and on my life.
It was a joy.
And a funny thing happened: The more emotionally invested I became in my speech, the more my fear of giving it began to fade. All I cared about now was inspiring my audience -- moving them and making them think and laugh and leave with their heads full of images. One woman, they told me, was driving all the way from Iowa to see me. I desperately wanted her trip to be worthwhile.
Is that the key to courage? Thinking about other people?
* * * * *
EXCERPT FROM MY SPEECH:
Everything I've talked about tonight can be reduced to two things: books and dreams.
When you go home tonight, I want you to think about all the books you've read over the course of your life. What details in them -- what styles, what time periods, what rituals, what moods, what colors -- move you the most? Which ones best reflect your personality and passions? What would your Charleston House look like?
* * * * *
At 7pm on May 16th in Cincinnati, I discovered something truly shocking about myself: I like giving speeches. All those years of anxiety were so silly and misplaced...and a colossal waste of time. The truth is, it was a huge privilege to stand there and share my passions with a roomful of like-minded souls. For one hour, we shared a journey, beginning as strangers and departing as friends. And every murmur, every laugh and every nod of recognition touched me deeply, deeply.
And so here's my question to you:
Is there anything in your life that you have been resisting? Anything you are afraid of trying? Anything that has become a stumbling block to your happiness?
Take it from someone who said "yes" to all of these and lived to tell:
If not now, WHEN?
xx/lisa
Oh, and if you know of an organization/association that would be interested in having me come and speak, email me. I'm ready.